It’s the New Year. Hope abounds. We resolve. This year will be different than last year. We gear up and dive in with energy and enthusiasm. Until…
We know how this ends for most people. After a few weeks, we lose momentum, become discouraged, and go through the year struggling to re-gain traction. Tragically, we repeat the same cycle year-after-year.
Discouragement and failure work together to form a downward spiral. This spiral spawns cynicism.. And cynicism impacts our own well-being, the quality of our work output, and our relationships.
The shame spiral can be avoided, because it takes both discouragement and failure to activate the cycle. Success and failure are not fully in our control, but our mindset is.
So what’s the best way to avoid cynicism this year? Avoid discouragement. In other words, don’t lose heart.
Ok, so how do we avoid losing heart? The single best practical advice I’ve received on not losing heart is this—
Be a friend to yourself.
This year, if you resolve to do anything, resolve to be a friend to yourself. There is enough criticism out there already. We add fuel to the fire when we try harder, don’t see immediate results, and become discouraged. Dan Sullivan is the personal coach of many of today’s leading entrepreneurs. I heard Dan say once, “being a friend to Dan” is at the core of his success in work and life.
So, what does it mean to be a friend to yourself? Consider your best relationships. With those you care about most:
- You are kind.
- You assume positive intent.
- You’re in it for the long-term.
- You pick them up when they are down.
- You speak truth to them.
- You listen and challenge their own assumptions.
How can can you do practice self-friendship? Here are three practices for the new year that I think you should adopt:
- Practice #1 - Renew your mind with truth, daily. Create a folder of inspiring content, whether it be quotes that speak to you, keepsakes that remind you of special memories, or words people you love and respect have said about you.
- Practice #2 - Be grateful. Often we guilt ourselves when we think we’re practicing gratitude. Have you ever thought, “Someone halfway around the world has it way worse than I do, so I should be grateful for what I have.” While there is some truth in that statement, it misses the mark of true gratitude. To be grateful is to slow down, to notice, to appreciate, and to respond to others, whether God or man.
- Practice #3 - Be a giver. When our focus is on serving others rather than ourselves, we get the triple benefits of helping someone solve their problem, feeling better about ourselves, and prompting a spirit of gratitude in them.
Who you are becoming is infinitely more important than what you’ve accomplished. So loosen your grip, take heart, and lean into this year.
Oh, and remember to be a friend to yourself.
